The Unpregnant Mother -2

After 2 days of Ankita’s funeral, my husband and I went to see the twins, who were kept in the NICU for they were premature. Their files read Baby 1 and Baby 2 of  Ankita.  While Baby 1 was fine, Baby 2 had health issues. She had to be operated for her intestines were punctured. While she survived the operation at an age of 15 days,  she had a cholestomy.

After a month of that, it was time to take a decision on the babies to get them home. In those days of moaning we simply could not manage to take a decision amidst the chaos and the terrible mental state. The only solution we had was that I take over for the time being. I was not sure  if I would be the Mother, but for that moment I was.

So the first thing I did was request the Nurses to stop calling them Baby 1 and Baby 2. We had  not thought of the names in all that chaos – but well- we had nicknames to use –  since Baby 1 was really pink in colour, AND she was born in Pink City, I decided to  call her Pink. And since baby 2 was her soul mate, I  decided to rhyme it with ‘Pari’. Thus were born Pink and Pari, again – to me,to us.

I had to stay with them in the hospital for a few days before they could be exposed to the outside world. I waited nervously in the hospital room. They said  that day 1 I should  only have 1 baby with me. So Pink was brought to me.I held her in my arms – wrapped in a blanket to add to her frail little body. She was really pink and so beautiful! I immediately felt a strong attachment towards her – an unspoken bond I could not explain. Maybe biology has little  to do with it.

I spent the entire day with her – feeding her top milk when she cried and putting her to sleep or changing her diapers.  I had already learnt a lot – but yet it had to seep in.

Day 2 was the turn of Baby 2 – Pari. Due to her surgery she had shorter food cycles and almost every hour she needed to be fed or her dressing had to be done. Sometimes every ten minutes, sometimes every hour. It was a painstaking job, and along with Pink it was even tougher.

Yes I had help in the room – Ankita’s sisters were there to help throughout. But those 6 days in the hospital with almost no sleep, feeding and dressing and changing diapers or  putting them to sleep in hope that they won’t wake up for straight 2 hours, life was crazy. I was disheveled, acidic and frustrated.  I called up my husband in panic and he promised me he would sort things out. But never even once did the thought cross my mind that I am not going to do this. I never felt even once that they are not my kids or  why the hell should I go through the pain and challenge?

After 2 weeks  of nurturing them, it  was time to take Pink and Pari  to their new home. It was an unspoken decision between my husband and I that we would take care of  the  babies till things with his Brother were better. He had lost a spouse  - one of  the worst things to happen to any person at this young an age. We did whatever we could to help – and taking care of  the twins at  that moment was the best we could. So we packed up and brought Pink Pari to Mumbai. And thus began my journey as The Unpregnant Mother.

The Unpregnant Mother- 1

Usually women have 9 months to prepare for Motherhood. But I barely had 9 days. Imagine being a Mom, overnight without ever being pregnant :

7th May 2012. Ankita, My sister in law in Jaipur was expecting twins. She had contracted jaundice despite the best care and  precautions and thus was being admitted in the hospital. That was the last I spoke with her.

9th May 2012 – We got a call that they had to operate on her to save the twins and all three were critical. We rushed to Jaipur.

10th May 2012 – The twins were ok, but the Mother wasn’t.

11th May 2012 – Her condition deteriorated. She was on the ventilator.

12th – 14th May 2012- We prayed and desperately tried to get her back. It was not possible, I thought to myself, that something unthinkable would happen to  her. She was younger to me. Fit and fine 5 days ago. How could she be on the verge of dying? She had a little son and now twins to take care of.

15th May 2012 – The Doctors had given up hope. I went in the ICU to pray next to her believing in a miracle. At first I could not recognise her – her face was swollen and yellow. Only her heart seemed to be showing signs of life.  We  were losing her. The family members came one by one to see her -probably for the last time.  Why did I still believe that she will wake up and smile?  But she did not – she  did  not survive and we lost her.

I can’t even say we were shocked. I don’t have other words to explain. What I can say the next few days were like a blur – the funeral, a horde of relatives, the memorial and being strong is all I remember. And the twins? Well..our love story has just begun …. (read more)